redotiertwo | The Far Shore

[There's a period of very notable silence, which Mukurou uses to preen himself.]

...And setting him up on three separate dates without telling him.

Yeah, I'm going to say that's an entirely justified grounding, I'm kinda surprised he didn't do worse, considering.

[Not that he thinks Hakkai would do anything nightmarishly terrible (...probably), but just having to clean a lot isn't exactly that much of a punishment, as far as Davesprite is concerned.]

[It's not much of a punishment for normal people, who aren't Chikusa, who dies even at the honestly basic level of chores which are asked of him during regular days. So, really, it's tailor made to torture a lethargic teenager. Hakkai clearly knows his shitteen children well.]

Apparently they all went well... so he shouldn't have had too many complaints, besides Mukurou.

[Hearing his name, the owl makes a faint cooing noise.]

And that's his own fault for trying to fight a bird...

Yeah, but you're missing the key point here of "some people don't want to be shoved out on blind dates by their adoptive kids".

[He's not laying off the dad jokes here, though now that he thinks about it, he's pretty sure Chikusa was one of the people organising that whole disaster in the first place.]

Don't tell me you set up that whole thing to make him blind date people, because that was seriously asking for it.

[The fact that Chikusa takes even longer than usual to reply probably says all it needs to. It may or may not have been exactly for that purpose.]

...I needed to guilt trip him or he wouldn't even stay for a minute.

Why did you even need to do it in the first place is the real question here, dude.

[That's a lot of trouble to go to just to set someone up on some dates that they probably wouldn't follow up on anyway.]

[Another long pause, but this time more because Chikusa... embarrassed? Is that what this highly uncomfortable feeling is? Eugh. In the meanwhile, Mukurou flops a little to the side, trying to gnaw on his own talons. It's not working out great for him. Even fake birds aren't built like that.]

...The guy he's on and off with... is a douchebag. And I don't just say this because I don't like him... although I don't. I kind of hate him, probably...

[So it's super annoying that he can't kill Sha Gojyo. Really annoying.]

But if I just hated him, that would be one thing... but we're both his shinki. And when we were having a dumb argument, once... he actually blighted Hakkai.

On purpose.

...So I figured... since they don't even know if they're dating half the time... I could at least see if he could find someone else he even remotely likes...

[That at least makes the whole thing slightly more understandable, though Davesprite's expression doesn't get any less deadpan than usual at the explanation.]

While that does indeed sound like some capital dickitude, have you considered that, for one, it's Hakkai and he seems kind of shit at this whole "making healthy life choices" thing, and for two, speed dating almost never works. Especially if it's really fucking obvious it's grudge speed dating.

[...]

I mean... I don't think he caught on that it was grudge speed dating.

...In my defense.

[It's not much of a defense, but it certainly does exist there.]

Besides... by that logic... doesn't that mean I should meddle more until he starts making healthy life choices...?

That is the most spectacularly shitty excuse for a defense I've ever heard, my guy. [At least Davesprite is honest.]

The thing about people who don't make healthy life choices is that doing shit like this is not how you get them to make healthy life choices. Forcing people to do stuff they don't want to do isn't going to make them do it in future.

...Then what else can I do?

[Because it feels like a whole lot of nothing... which is a bad feeling even without taking into consideration the harm Gojyo has purposefully done to Hakkai.]

You can guide someone's hand without forcing it. I know it's Hakkai and he's stubborn as shit, but it's like with dogs, if you try to pull them somewhere they'll just resist harder.

[Davesprite is a font of valuable life advice, clearly.]

...So I'm fucked is what you're saying.

[Chikusa knows himself, after all, and people skills are something he is severely lacking. Besides, how else can he guide Hakkai to have better taste? Just introducing him to people doesn't even seem to be doing anything.]

Pretty much. You're all kind of a shitty combination of people to have in one temple in terms of anyone's mental health improving even remotely.

[Especially with this whole on-and-off romance thing in the mix to boot, which sounds like it's already been a recipe for disaster.]

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